Life in Panama is still amazing. I cannot believe that we past our halfway mark of our time here! I’m sitting here on the computer, frustrated that I haven’t written in so long because now I have no idea what to write. So much has happened, so many lessons learned, so many things we have seen and experienced. How can I choose which ones to write? I turned to my journal to see if there was something in there that can help make this easier for me but I haven’t written in there either! The same emotions came over me at night when it was time to write- it’s just too much. So here I am, overwhelmed, amazed, anxious to get it all out, and… well I guess ready to try to write. (But first I want to point out that I finally published a blog that I started a month ago and forgot about. It’s called “A Story” and it’s below this post).

The Darien marked a new mindset in my life. That experience was one that I will forever cherish in my heart. The entire time we were on the boat riding to La Palma I kept thinking “I can’t believe that this is my life”. I sat there, trying to practice my Spanish with the armed police officer sitting next to me, and Larry kept turning around telling us that this is something that most people never get to see. My heart was already so anxious, starting from about the time when Jami and I were on the bus traveling down together and we got to the first police stop point and they made us give them our passports to take our information (why?). I thought my heart was beating fast then, but NOW I am about to see something that, in his words were “straight out of National Geographic”. Walking through La Palma and visiting that small Embera village next to it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I remember standing there and being overwhelmed with the emotion of “I have to radically change my life” and the thought of "I have to do something... really do something".

The rest of the weekend and all the people and places we visited just kept feeding into that desire. And I found myself walking around for two days as a zombie, not knowing what to think or how to feel. All I knew was that life is different from what I thought it was. Priorities, interests, dreams, goals, everything was changing in my head. Jami and I sat at dinner one night and talked for an hour about our new feelings of Christianity, our responsibility as Christians, our lives and what we think we need to do in the future. The longer I am here, the more lost I feel. The more I feel not like myself. The more I am unsure about anything in the future. The more I am here the stronger my desire is to serve God and to really fight for his kingdom. And I mean fight. Not just pray, not just serve through money donations or short mission trips or through being a good person who is a good example for other people to notice (all which are good things in life and that I do want to incorporate in my daily living) but really to fight. To DO something. To BE someone. To die to myself and to let Christ be my guide. I am really starting to see and to feel the responsibility we have as Christians to really show people Christ. To show people, not how to have a “better” life (especially to the measures of earthly wealth- money, technology, etc.) but how to have a life full of the grace and peace in Christ and to spend eternity in heaven. I start reading scriptures like Luke 13:22-30, Matt 7:21-23, and Matt 10:32-33, and I see the harsh reality of the world around us. Narrow is the gate to heaven and Christ will say to some people "I never knew you." We are all called to be ministers. And people need Christ all around us.

I have been reading Acts for the last month and from start to finish I felt God speaking to me, with every page I turned. (You can see just one example in that old blog that I just posted below). I love this book and all the stories in it. I have learned so many life lessons from its words:
4:31- Boldness
4:32- Giving and sharing your possessions
5:29- Obey God first
5:21- Rejoice in suffering
6:4- Taking pride in your ministries
7:60- Love your enemies
8:30- Whole hearted obedience
10- One person makes a big difference
11:23- Encouragement
14:15- Level-headedness and giving glory to God
14:20- Fearlessness to danger
16:7- God’s plan can be different from ours
18:11- Spreading the word takes a time commitment
18:21- Follow Gods will
19:9- Can only push so hard for so long
19:20- God’s great plan and his glory in all circumstances
19:23-24- The enemy at work (the power of one person and crowds)
20:24-35- Five great lessons
21:13- Willingness to die for Christ
24:16- Strive to keep your conscience clear before God and man
And so much more!

The other experience that I have had which I want to write about is the works that were done with the Harding spring break campaign group. We traveled up to the mountains and visited a congregation in Santa Marta. There we severed the people there by painting the church and a clinic and also serving some of the children there by bringing school supplies and singing with them. One of my favorite memories was as we all sat around under the songs and lifted our voices to God in song for over an hour. It was amazing and just the thing that Jami, Erica, and my spirits really needed.

We then traveled over to Colesito and it was there that I learned a great lesson. After working all day on helping build a foundation for the church there, we went to the gospel meeting that night. It was at that meeting that I saw something straight out of Acts, and it was one of the most powerful and impactful services I have ever sat through. Chris did an amazing lesson of encouragement and giving thanks to the people in the town, telling them that by giving us the food they showed us the love of God. They demonstrated to us the fruits of the Holy Spirit living in them. And by letting us serve them in the building, even though we slowed them down, they also showed the fruits of God in them. After that Raul got up and got “completely honest” with the church, touching on specific issues that needed to be resolved. Men and women responded. Men wept for Christ to dwell in their hearts and lives. Men from our group went up to love and encourage them (despite language barriers). Two were baptized and many hearts were renewed. Elio then went up to address a few problems that he heard were happening between the people and guided them back to the scriptures. He then got on his knees to pray for them. Powerful. The people circled around each other, mixing with one another and stood by those they needed to love and get closer to, as an act of humility and love and a pledge to try. They also said words of encouragement for leaders to step forward and not to wait for people to come to their church. In Acts 15 it talks about a specific church that was built up. Just like the one in Coclesito. I am witnessing amazing things here. Churches being served and serving one another like the churches in Paul, Barnabus, John, and Peters time. Amazing.

At one point Natalie said that it was like we gave them ALL our strength in serving them, since we got sick later that night. Betty said we got sick because we worked SO hard. How true. How blessed of an experience. In Luke there is the story about the Sheppard who would leave the 99 sheep to go after the one lost one. And put it over his shoulder and rejoice over its homecoming. That’s how we are to think about the experience. So many of us got so sick… really like over two thirds of the group. I found myself in a little clinic hooked up to an IV and feeling weaker than I ever have in my entire life. It was hard to remain positive and to feel like the weeks work was worth the degree of illness we were facing. But I saw Christ’s love in the service of those who stayed with us and people’s souls were saved and some hearts were restored. And for those reasons, I would do it all again.

Thank you for your patience as you have so much to read. Go look at my two recent photo albums to see pictures from these experiences. God is amazing and I am thankful for His love and this opportunity I have. I feel like I am in a training camp- being strengthened and renewed so much everyday. Facing trials and learning lessons. And slowly becoming the woman I am meant to be. I am also thankful for your support and prayers. We have started our new reading sessions and it has had a little rocky start so far with getting the schedule arranged. But I have two readers that I have met with and I am confident in their hearts and that God’s hand is in them coming. Just keep LST in your prayers as next week we will really start diving into it’s work again!