Life in Panama is still amazing. I cannot believe that we past our halfway mark of our time here! I’m sitting here on the computer, frustrated that I haven’t written in so long because now I have no idea what to write. So much has happened, so many lessons learned, so many things we have seen and experienced. How can I choose which ones to write? I turned to my journal to see if there was something in there that can help make this easier for me but I haven’t written in there either! The same emotions came over me at night when it was time to write- it’s just too much. So here I am, overwhelmed, amazed, anxious to get it all out, and… well I guess ready to try to write. (But first I want to point out that I finally published a blog that I started a month ago and forgot about. It’s called “A Story” and it’s below this post).

The Darien marked a new mindset in my life. That experience was one that I will forever cherish in my heart. The entire time we were on the boat riding to La Palma I kept thinking “I can’t believe that this is my life”. I sat there, trying to practice my Spanish with the armed police officer sitting next to me, and Larry kept turning around telling us that this is something that most people never get to see. My heart was already so anxious, starting from about the time when Jami and I were on the bus traveling down together and we got to the first police stop point and they made us give them our passports to take our information (why?). I thought my heart was beating fast then, but NOW I am about to see something that, in his words were “straight out of National Geographic”. Walking through La Palma and visiting that small Embera village next to it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I remember standing there and being overwhelmed with the emotion of “I have to radically change my life” and the thought of "I have to do something... really do something".

The rest of the weekend and all the people and places we visited just kept feeding into that desire. And I found myself walking around for two days as a zombie, not knowing what to think or how to feel. All I knew was that life is different from what I thought it was. Priorities, interests, dreams, goals, everything was changing in my head. Jami and I sat at dinner one night and talked for an hour about our new feelings of Christianity, our responsibility as Christians, our lives and what we think we need to do in the future. The longer I am here, the more lost I feel. The more I feel not like myself. The more I am unsure about anything in the future. The more I am here the stronger my desire is to serve God and to really fight for his kingdom. And I mean fight. Not just pray, not just serve through money donations or short mission trips or through being a good person who is a good example for other people to notice (all which are good things in life and that I do want to incorporate in my daily living) but really to fight. To DO something. To BE someone. To die to myself and to let Christ be my guide. I am really starting to see and to feel the responsibility we have as Christians to really show people Christ. To show people, not how to have a “better” life (especially to the measures of earthly wealth- money, technology, etc.) but how to have a life full of the grace and peace in Christ and to spend eternity in heaven. I start reading scriptures like Luke 13:22-30, Matt 7:21-23, and Matt 10:32-33, and I see the harsh reality of the world around us. Narrow is the gate to heaven and Christ will say to some people "I never knew you." We are all called to be ministers. And people need Christ all around us.

I have been reading Acts for the last month and from start to finish I felt God speaking to me, with every page I turned. (You can see just one example in that old blog that I just posted below). I love this book and all the stories in it. I have learned so many life lessons from its words:
4:31- Boldness
4:32- Giving and sharing your possessions
5:29- Obey God first
5:21- Rejoice in suffering
6:4- Taking pride in your ministries
7:60- Love your enemies
8:30- Whole hearted obedience
10- One person makes a big difference
11:23- Encouragement
14:15- Level-headedness and giving glory to God
14:20- Fearlessness to danger
16:7- God’s plan can be different from ours
18:11- Spreading the word takes a time commitment
18:21- Follow Gods will
19:9- Can only push so hard for so long
19:20- God’s great plan and his glory in all circumstances
19:23-24- The enemy at work (the power of one person and crowds)
20:24-35- Five great lessons
21:13- Willingness to die for Christ
24:16- Strive to keep your conscience clear before God and man
And so much more!

The other experience that I have had which I want to write about is the works that were done with the Harding spring break campaign group. We traveled up to the mountains and visited a congregation in Santa Marta. There we severed the people there by painting the church and a clinic and also serving some of the children there by bringing school supplies and singing with them. One of my favorite memories was as we all sat around under the songs and lifted our voices to God in song for over an hour. It was amazing and just the thing that Jami, Erica, and my spirits really needed.

We then traveled over to Colesito and it was there that I learned a great lesson. After working all day on helping build a foundation for the church there, we went to the gospel meeting that night. It was at that meeting that I saw something straight out of Acts, and it was one of the most powerful and impactful services I have ever sat through. Chris did an amazing lesson of encouragement and giving thanks to the people in the town, telling them that by giving us the food they showed us the love of God. They demonstrated to us the fruits of the Holy Spirit living in them. And by letting us serve them in the building, even though we slowed them down, they also showed the fruits of God in them. After that Raul got up and got “completely honest” with the church, touching on specific issues that needed to be resolved. Men and women responded. Men wept for Christ to dwell in their hearts and lives. Men from our group went up to love and encourage them (despite language barriers). Two were baptized and many hearts were renewed. Elio then went up to address a few problems that he heard were happening between the people and guided them back to the scriptures. He then got on his knees to pray for them. Powerful. The people circled around each other, mixing with one another and stood by those they needed to love and get closer to, as an act of humility and love and a pledge to try. They also said words of encouragement for leaders to step forward and not to wait for people to come to their church. In Acts 15 it talks about a specific church that was built up. Just like the one in Coclesito. I am witnessing amazing things here. Churches being served and serving one another like the churches in Paul, Barnabus, John, and Peters time. Amazing.

At one point Natalie said that it was like we gave them ALL our strength in serving them, since we got sick later that night. Betty said we got sick because we worked SO hard. How true. How blessed of an experience. In Luke there is the story about the Sheppard who would leave the 99 sheep to go after the one lost one. And put it over his shoulder and rejoice over its homecoming. That’s how we are to think about the experience. So many of us got so sick… really like over two thirds of the group. I found myself in a little clinic hooked up to an IV and feeling weaker than I ever have in my entire life. It was hard to remain positive and to feel like the weeks work was worth the degree of illness we were facing. But I saw Christ’s love in the service of those who stayed with us and people’s souls were saved and some hearts were restored. And for those reasons, I would do it all again.

Thank you for your patience as you have so much to read. Go look at my two recent photo albums to see pictures from these experiences. God is amazing and I am thankful for His love and this opportunity I have. I feel like I am in a training camp- being strengthened and renewed so much everyday. Facing trials and learning lessons. And slowly becoming the woman I am meant to be. I am also thankful for your support and prayers. We have started our new reading sessions and it has had a little rocky start so far with getting the schedule arranged. But I have two readers that I have met with and I am confident in their hearts and that God’s hand is in them coming. Just keep LST in your prayers as next week we will really start diving into it’s work again!

A story

This is a story mostly for those who know the struggle and pains that this particular incident caused in my life. Over two years ago I had a healer approach me in a dollar general store told me that he was sent from God to heal me of my struggles with my hip and proceeded to “heal” me in the parking lot. (To make a long story short-- I woke up with the same weak and shorter leg) This was an experience that took maybe an hour of my life but haunted me for weeks after. I desperately searched for answers that would explain this incident to me. And I would eventually put it in the back of my mind but it would occasionally creep back up and perplex me and pain me all over again.


About two weeks ago I found myself wanting to read the book of Acts . This was something that I have never done before (from start to finish anyways) and I was immediately drawn into the stories about the brave men who fought to spread the gospel to the unbelieving people. When I started reading chapter 3 I read about how Peter and John healed a man who was crippled from birth.... and all the emotions came back to me. Drowning me in confusion, heartach, a feeling of defeat and insignificance... harder than it ever has before. I found my heart calling out to God in total desparation for his guidance. That "healer" was bringing me so much pain. I pour myself out in my journal then I fell to my knees in prayer. I desparetly looked around the room for a sign of God around me. I thought the sunlight flowing in the windows were his comforting hand. I was eventually brought to tears and found myself laying on the floor before Him. All I heard was Raul Alverado, ask Raul to explain this situation to you. But too scared it was me, not relying on God, I went out with a sense of defeat and even sought encouragement from my roommates at dinner.

Little did I know that the next day, as I dived deeper into Acts, a passage would puzzle me. I was confused in it's meaning and as I waited for Jami to finish a reading session I found myself in Raul's office asking for clarification. And it was there, admist his answers that the truth set my heart free. I was perplexed over the significance of the Apostles needing to give someone the Holy Spirit (Acts 8:15-16) after they were baptized since all the other scriptures say you are baptized to recieve the Holy Spirit. Well, I came to learn that the very next verse (vs 17) showed that they were talking about the HS being "upon" people and giving them the power to heal and perform miracles. An explination that went into depth about how this was only given from the Apostles. And it was only needed at this time to help spread the message and something that was according to his will (Hebrew 2:4).

So there I sat, dumbfounded at the events. Raul had the answer to the question in my heart and he did not even know he was delivering it to me! The power of God is astounding! And what brings me even more to my knees is the fact that I felt compelled to read Acts in the first place. Which lead me to Acts 3, the start of it all anways.
Thank you God. Show me how to listen.

That experience revealed to me the faithfullness of God and just how active he wants to be (and IS) in our lives. I don't know why God choose this time to bring me enlightenment. Maybe because I am being called to deeper places, maybe because I am need this truth for something in the future, maybe because I am a simple instrument right now and I am suppose to be sharing this story with you, or maybe this is something he has already tried to show me but I am just now listening.

Something else that I can see from this experience is the dark depths of Satan in this world. When I look back at my journal from that day I can see just how much I was wrestling with him. "Lord, I'm scared. I'm fearful to the depth of my heart. What if Satan encountered me so boldly that day? What is he knew/knows that would affect me so severyly and continue to on this day. What if Satan has such a grasp on that man and his ministry that he is blinding him from the truth?" And reading even further I can recall all the emotions that were stirring up inside of me. I felt weak, so wrong, and so unsteady in my faith because I was questioning the plans of God. "It hurts me to think I am so weak. It hurts me to think I was so wrong and so unsteady in my faith. It hurts to read about the healing of the crippled beggar and to see how many people came running to learn about Christ. The man told me that day that you wanted me to an instrument and to think about all the people that would be touched by my story. Am I not good enough? Do I not believe enough? So I not let you in enough to finally hear the answer to my cries?" Here the enemy was throwing all sorts of ideas and thoughts at me then blaming me for it! (But the heart is good, it is from God. This was a foul thing at work and therefor not from my heart. And not from God because his voice is never condemning- Romans 8:11).

But in the end I am confident that it was at this time that Christ was the conqurer. My repentance lead to enlightenment and to peace, instead of the past results of guilt and shame- death to my heart (2 Corinthians 7:10). Oh how alive our Enemy is, prowling like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour! (1 Peter 5:14) I am so thankful for this opportunity to grow in wisdom and enlightenment. Something that I thought was so unreachable until I discovered that it comes from having a descerning heart that walks in a relationship with God, submerssed in his word and by putting on the full armor of God (Eph. 6:10-18).


This was not meant to show off some great faith of my own, if anything it shows the amount of depth of insight that I still need to obtain in my life, but this was to show the great faithfulness of God. And it shows how active he wants to be in our lives if we open ourselves up to listening to him. Right now I am praying for boldness, depth of insight, and for the opportunities to gain wisdom and fall more in love with God. Thank you for listening and I hope that this can help you to see the Great love of God, the activeness of the Enemy, the great love of Christ... and whatever other lesson that God is telling to your heart right now... you just have to listen!!!!

NEW PHOTOS!

Ok, I don't have much time to write right now. I hope to get on soon to write more before we take off next week to go traveling with the Harding spring break campaign to do work for a couple days. I just wanted to be sure to put the links for my new photo's that are up online.

Here is the link that are my pictures from the Vacation Bible School that was held at the Curundu church last week. It was a huge success and a lot of children were able to attend. It was really hectic and at times we thought we were going to lose our minds but we made it through alive!
http://harding.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2064229&l=ad388&id=71001583

And here are the pictures from our trip to Torti and the Darien. This was an experience of a lifetime and I feel like God opened my heart and mind to so much while I was here. I walked away from these three days with a new perspective on so much, and I am honestly still trying to sort it all out inside of me. God is great and he is faithful to his people.
http://harding.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2064235&l=27fc5&id=71001583

Finally I want to say once again to be sure to check out Jami's blog. She has been better with postings than me lately and she also put up pictures. If you want to get a nice well-rounded view of the trip then you def need to be looking at her words and pictures as well!
http://www.jamiinpanama.blogspot.com/

I love you all! Please email me updates on your lives and keep me in the loop of things at home!